About a week ago, a friend told me about a conflict with his business partner that he couldn’t seem to get resolved, despite repeated efforts to engage in constructive conversation.

The partner kept making excuses. “I’m too busy, too tired for this now.” He kept asking to sit down and talk things through. She kept deflecting. Meanwhile the problem lived on, draining energy and motivation on both sides.

I wondered what was really going on. Was his partner indeed so busy, with such mission-critical things that everything else had to wait?

Or was there another mechanism at work? Being busy (especially with useful and important things) is easily understood and accepted. A near-failsafe escape from a painful confrontation, with someone else or with ourselves.

Whatever the case, when someone says they’re busy, pushing harder rarely works. Adding pressure to something they don’t have or want to make time for just gives them another reason to postpone.

Rather than applying more force, acknowledge the resistance without trying to explain it. Shift the focus to working around it.

Make the conversation small, specific, and easy to start—and at the same time be clear that it matters. “This is important to me. When can we set aside 10 minutes to address one small part of it?”