A few days ago I saw someone react to a post online. He criticised others for the way they treated him and the prejudice he experienced. Yet the way he expressed that frustration showed the same behaviour he was condemning.
It prompted me to ask: How does someone end up reproducing the very behaviour they dislike in others?
Research in psychology suggests that repeated negative experiences can change how people respond when they encounter similar situations. When someone has been judged or treated unfairly often enough, their responses begin to change. They become more guarded, quicker to assume intent, and more prepared to push back.
The (subconscious) purpose of those responses is to prevent getting hurt again. The problem is that these strongly motivated reactions easily become habits. Over time the same reaction starts to appear automatically, even in situations that don’t call for it.
This is how behaviour that originally developed as protection can start resembling the very patterns that caused the frustration in the first place.
Recognising such patterns in ourselves is not easy. Most people spend far more time analysing what others did to them than examining how their own reactions were shaped.
It also makes me ask a more personal question. Which of my own reactions originally developed as protection but have turned into habits that no longer serve me?
If you ask yourself that question, what comes up?
